I seriously hate talking on a phone. I tend to stutter and just rattle off whatever I was calling about and then having to REPEAT it because the person on the other side didn’t understand my mutterings, which makes things worse for me because now I’m forced to talk twice as long on this damn contraption. And all I can think of is how idiotic I sound on the phone and that I really do not want to be doing this and “can’t I just e-mail you?”
When I moved to the US with my husband we were poor and my parents would send us some cash. I’d have to go to the money gram kiosks and talk on the phone with a machine. (This is even more horrific than talking to a living, breathing person) So I would talk to this machine and they ask you numbers and yes and no questions, except, well, they didn’t understand me. The machine didn’t understand me. And it’s not even like it didn’t understand me saying something like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It was not understanding the word NO. It was so bad that I would have to ask my husband to reply to it. So I would be listening to the question and then hand my husband the phone and he would say yes or no. I know this sound like tons of fun but I assure you it was not. Thus my hatred/fear of conversing on the telephone worsened.
Take this and mix it up with my shyness, inability to make friends/talk to strangers and total spinelessness and then ask me to call a client, whom I’ve never seen nor spoken to, and ask where your money is that they owe you. Doesn’t that sound like a recipe for success?
For me to be able to even think of doing this, I have to:
1. breathe slow deep breaths for about 30 minutes
2. stare at the number and name of the client for another 30 minutes without freaking out
3. try and string some sentences together that would convey what I would like to say
4. write these sentences down and go over them in my head and then repeat them to myself about 20 times
5. enter the number into the phone and stare at the number for about 10 minutes before scraping what little guts I have together and press the call button
6. pray to god I don’t get an answer
7. get an answer and panic
8. stare at the sentences, now blurry, on the paper
9. finally start muttering something about an invoice and money and being sorry to bother
10. repeat it because I am an idiot
11. not hear a word the person is saying because I’m trying not to cry
12. ask then to please repeat what they said
13. listen this time
14. say thank you and good bye
15. almost cry
This is so much fun that I have to do this again for another 2 days, with the same person , because apparently this person does not know about my little problem and they also do not pay their bills.
Obviously I am totally fit for this job. Kill me now.
1. breathe slow deep breaths for about 30 minutes
2. stare at the number and name of the client for another 30 minutes without freaking out
3. try and string some sentences together that would convey what I would like to say
4. write these sentences down and go over them in my head and then repeat them to myself about 20 times
5. enter the number into the phone and stare at the number for about 10 minutes before scraping what little guts I have together and press the call button
6. pray to god I don’t get an answer
7. get an answer and panic
8. stare at the sentences, now blurry, on the paper
9. finally start muttering something about an invoice and money and being sorry to bother
10. repeat it because I am an idiot
11. not hear a word the person is saying because I’m trying not to cry
12. ask then to please repeat what they said
13. listen this time
14. say thank you and good bye
15. almost cry
This is so much fun that I have to do this again for another 2 days, with the same person , because apparently this person does not know about my little problem and they also do not pay their bills.
Obviously I am totally fit for this job. Kill me now.
I know the problem is not funny, but your post is very funny:-)
ReplyDeleteI don't have the problem now, but had somewhat similar experiences when I worked in an office and had to chase - not money, but late deliveries (late = plane takes off soon). or any other task that had to be done via the phone.